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Throwback Thursday: Crash guru

opinion
Jan 30, 20201 min
Data CenterServers

What else does your crystal ball tell you?

Computerworld  |  Shark Tank
Credit: Computerworld / IDG

Some of the servers in this data center are running applications that have memory leaks — and the only way to avert a major crash is to reboot them regularly, reports a pilot fish on the scene.

The only problem: The users don’t buy the idea that their servers have to be taken offline on a regular basis.

“So I sat down and did the calculations to predict when a machine would next crash if they did not let us do some maintenance work,” fish says.

“It coincided with me being on holiday, so I gave them my prediction six months in advance, telling them what would happen.

“My prediction was Sept. 19 at noon, and it actually crashed Sept. 20 at 11:45 a.m. — not bad for a rough calculation six months before.

“When I came back from my break, the users started giving us the machines when we wanted them.”

Sharky calculates that you still have a true tale of IT like to tell. Send it to me at sharky@computerworld.com. You can also subscribe to the Daily Shark Newsletter.

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Questions that Sharky gets a lot

Q: What's a pilot fish?

A: There are two answers to that question. One is the Mother Nature version: Pilot fish are small fish that swim just ahead of sharks. When the shark changes direction, so do the pilot fish. When you watch underwater video of it, it looks like the idea to change direction occurred simultaneously to shark and pilot fish.

Thing is, sharks go pretty much anywhere they want, eating pretty much whatever they want. They lunge and tear and snatch, but in so doing, leave plenty of smorgasbord for the nimble pilot fish.

The IT version: A pilot fish is someone who swims with the sharks of enterprise IT -- and lives to tell the tale. Just like in nature, a moment's inattention could end the pilot fish's career. That's life at the reef.

Q: Are all the Sharky stories true?

A: Yes, as best we can determine.

Q: Where do the Sharky tales come from?

A: From readers. Sharky just reads and rewrites and basks in the reflected glory of you, our readers. It is as that famous fish-friendly philosopher Spinoza said, "He that can carp in the most eloquent or acute manner at the weakness of the human mind is held by his fellows as almost divine."

Q: Do I have to write my story in Sharky-ese?

A: No. Not at all. Just be sure to give us details. What happened, to whom, what he said, what she said, how it all worked out. If Sharky likes your tale of perfidy, heroism or just plain weirdness at your IT shop, he will supply his particular brand of Shark snark.

Q: I've got a really funny story, but I could get fired if my old trout of a boss found out I told you. How confidential is what I send to Sharky?

A: We don't publish names: yours, your boss's, your trout's, your company's. We try to file off the serial numbers, though there's no absolute guarantee that someone who lived through the incident won't recognize himself. Our aim is to share the outrageous, knee-slapping, milk-squirting-out-your-nose funny tales that abound in the IT world, not to get you fired. That would not be funny.

Q: How do I get each new Shark Tank tale emailed to me?

Easy. Subscribe to the newsletter.

Q: Where are the Sharkives?

Tales of old can be found in Sharky's archive.

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